erijosm

So I had to leave school for a semester. My insomnia is going CRAZY. On average I’m up for 40-45 hours before I can even begin to calm down- then I sleep for 8 or so hours and I’m back at it. Haven’t had a ‘normal’ night since about Nov. but it’s gotten a LOT worse. Basically I have to go in for a series of sleep studies, then sleep ‘therapy’. No fun. It’s ruining my life. I had to leave school, which means I’ll be behind a semester. I’ve regained all three pounds I’ve lost. I can’t eat when I’m like this. I have no energy to workout anymore. I even have to force myself to clean my house! It’s hard for me to play with my son as much as I used to- which sucks because it’s starting to get warm out. My skin feels like an old lady’s. I look like crap. My hair is starting to fall out. It’s just insane.. so sick of this. I can’t wait to figure it out and get back on track! Anyways, that’s my update.

I know this is a weight loss/healthy lifestyle board, not a ’my boyfriend is a brat’ board. However, I imagine this is a big issue with women in general, but perhaps even more-so for larger women (or maybe just me! Who knows.) Anyways, I’ve been having this inner battle with my boyfriend. In the last few months, he’s lost nearly all interest in me- even just in a conversational sense. Instead of paying attention to me, he spends all kinds of his energy looking at tiny girls with big, fake boobies on MY computer. I’ve confronted him about it countless times, almost always in a joking tone. I’ve come to accept that all of us look at what we can’t obtain at that particular moment in time- million dollar houses, brand new cars, Dior shoes, anorexic girls with unnatural breasts that take dirty pictures of themselves for the world to see.. whatever! For awhile, it really started to grind on my self-esteem and I actually gained weight. I stopped trying to look pretty. I stopped wearing sexy outfits. Why put forth the effort if it doesn’t mean anything? I thought that I was no good to him until I lost weight. That was a huge source of motivation for me to ’get skinny’. That’s my mindset… Until just now. Upon yet another discovery of not-so-nice pictures on MY computer, I got extremely upset because we JUST had another discussion about this issue. And then something in my head just snapped so here is my NEW view on the matter…

I AM beautiful. Just because I have a few extra pounds (or 39..) on me, that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of love, attention, respect. I am trying hard to lose weight. And for awhile, it was for HIM. Now it is for ME to be -healthy-. In the end, that’s what matters. If he can’t respect me or my efforts.. screw him. It’s all about me now because I realize I am gorgeous inside and out. I do not need a his approval. I do not need ANYBODY’s approval outside of my own. It’s about being healthy and comfortable with yourself. I just feel sad that it took me nearly five years in this relationship to realize that. And what really hurts is that I did look at all the pictures of nearly naked girls and I did put myself down and tell myself that I ‘needed’ to look like those girls for our relationship to get better. Screw it. Screw him. I’m working on MY clock now. To be completely honest, stumbling upon this new belief has already made me feel a million times better. I’m beautiful. I’m working hard to better myself for myself. If he doesn’t like me now, he damn sure isn’t going to like me in the future. I know my own worth now, I see my own inner and outer beauty and he can just kiss me where the sun doesn’t shine. (But it might shine there soon! I’ve never worn a bikini…)

I was just wondering if any of you follow a reward system for mini-goals (every ten pounds lost or whatever you go by). If so, what are your rewards?? I’m thinking of trying it out but I dunno what to reward myself with, lol! Plus it would just be really interesting to hear what you all do!

Also, how do you plan/what did you do to celebrate getting to your goal weight? I’m thinking very seriously on getting a total makeover and professional pictures taken. I got a ‘new mommy makeover’ as a gift after I had my son and it was awesome. Highly suggest it to anybody that is interested in that kinda stuff!

Do you guys put a time limit on your weight loss goals? I’m thinking of putting a pretty broad time limit on my goal so I kind of have that ‘deadline’ to push for. Was just interested in hearing how you guys did it.

I lost three pounds in ten days! So happy! Just weighed in- even though I told myself I’d only do it every two weeks but I couldn’t wait any longer! I didn’t know three pounds made much difference but I can sort of see it at my waistline. That’s BIG motivation to keep going.

Do any of you do any workouts that are ‘out of the norm’, like dancing, kickboxing, martial arts, etc..? I’m really interested in doing MMA/UFC type training at a program near here and just wondered what others did. Before I got pregnant with my son, I was learning how to box and it was AMAZING. Highly suggest it to anybody looking to get in shape and/or take out some aggression, lol.

Also, I was wondering if anybody takes any supplements to help with their weight loss/energy level. I’ve tried a few that never really helped but I recently started taking One A Day Weight Smart Advanced multivitamins and they are really great (and not a diet pill!)

Yesterday was my first day of hardcore workout. I went 2.5 miles on my stationary bike, did a bunch of core strength workouts on my fitness ball, and some stretches like lunges and whatnot. It felt SO GREAT. Haven’t had the time to do today’s workout yet, will do that this afternoon. Anyways, that’s my progress so far!

Hello, my name is Erica jo. I’m new to all of this, never tried anything like this before. I came here to find support, make friends that are/were in the same boat as I am, and track my progress. Basically I am to the end of my rope. I’m ten pounds below my heaviest weight (which was 207). My goal weight is 155- but I’d be happy with a little less! During my childhood and teen years I was always chunky but still healthy and active. I had my son (who is now nearly 3) when I was 16. I dropped out of high school and was a stay-at-home mother for two years. I really let myself go, packing on about 45 pounds. I am now in my first year of college and realizing how bad I let my weight gain get. I can’t run around with my son as much as I would like. I feel out of place with my peers. I just feel plain ugly. This is interfering with my relationships with family, friends, my son, and my fiance. I can’t let myself get physically close to people anymore. But, I am more than ready to turn the page and quit feeling sorry for myself. This is a battle I am determined to win, no matter how daunting the struggle might be. Over the course of being overweight/obese, I have come to the conclusion that I let myself get this way. I am the only one that can change who I am inside and out. That’s my story. It’s nice to meet all that might read/comment!